Life After Facebook

Reflections on How Life Improves When Social Media Is Abandoned

The Problem

Most people that use Facebook regularly will quickly admit to the fact that the social media platform is highly addictive as well as an almost complete waste of time. We will do almost anything to generate that endorphin-stimulating "Like" that others bestow on our egos so easily and thoughtlessly. We post meme after meme or make silly and pointless comments or "respond" to someone else's pointless posting with our own pointless emoji so easily delivered. Underlying all of this activity many if not most people will discover, if they look deeply into their own hearts, that the quest is not unlike the quest for the Holy Grail. Like The Quest for the Grail, the reward is to become a highly valued citizen, respected and admired for our perceptive insights and even, perhaps, leadership toward some sort of ShangriLa that is only dimly imagined. Like the Quest for the Grail it also is unachievable, a fool's errand destined to ultimate failure and frustration. The reward of this quest is disillusionment, not the opportunity to stand on the highest step of the winners' podium.

This problem is shared by most Facebook denizens, not just those of one persuasion or another. More specifically, those on both the left and the right are nearly equal in their addictive and pointless behavior as they routinely insult one another and condemn their opponents to eternal damnation for their lack of agreement with "accepted" principles. No one is immune.

Although I have long recognized this, I was at a loss about how to make an improvement in my own behavior until just recently. I suspect many other people will share that same quandry: what do I do about Facebook? Then, a very simple solution dawned on me.

The Epiphany

I normally don't think about Facebook the first thing upon arising in the morning, but about a week ago as I was swinging out of bed, my feet hit the somewhat cold floor and the solution dawned on my somewhat groggy brain. It was actually a very simple solution and I'm quite surprised it didn't dawn on me sooner; I can only attribute my ignorance to the addictive nature of the Facebook Like.

Suddenly, I could envision myself never visiting a Facebook page again. Not that day, nor the next, nor the next. Not ever. I could also imagine never again receiving an email announcing that someone who I never heard of had responded to my posting, or had one of those aggravating popups that appear in the corner of your screen with a dinging sound telling me that I had 14 responses to something I had posted.

Most appealing was the vision I had of never again having to deal with the hatreds routinely bestowed by one group on those of another who don't agree with their sacred tenets. Hatred is endemic on Facebook, and not just one particular group; it seems to be fundamental to most groups; the more strongly a group believes in the importance, truth and virtue of their positions on any given topic, the more likely that the group is to marginalize and demonize those who disagree with them.

In short, a Nirvanic vision of Life Without Facebook flashed into my consciousness. "That's it! I immediately thought to myself. What a simple solution! Why didn't I think of this sooner?

The Action Plan

My first impulse was to simply log in to my Facebook account and delete it. But I turned out to be something of a coward in that respect. What if this is a mistake? I thought. What would I do then? So I opted for the second best tactic and "deactivated" my account.

Deactivation results in your "disappearance" from Facebook, and none of what you have previously posted will be visible to others. No one will be able to contact you on Facebook or view anything you have posted including Timeline, status updates and photos. Unfortunately, people can still contact you using the Messenger app, but for me, fortunately, not that many people contact me using that method.

The final step will be Deletion, which results in the removal of your account and all associated information. But even that is not the final step in the chain because Facebook waits fourteen days before actually deleting your data even though you can't use your account. Apparently, if you contact their help desk desperately seeking reinstatement, they can do that for you, thus prolonging the dependency.

The final version of "the plan" for me turned out to be

1. Deactivate my account
2. Try living without Facebook for a few weeks
3. If withdrawal is not too severe, delete the account
4. Resume a more productive, emotionally healthy life

In fact, the very day that this plan dawned on me as I was climbing out of bed, I deactivated my account. I haven't looked back or logged on since. About one week has passed.

The Results

The results are joyfully gratifying. I rarely even think about Facebook, let alone be tempted to log back in. Even better, I don't seem to care what other people might think of this, nor do I particularly miss the relationships, most of which were shallow and relatively pointless anyway. I don't mean to imply that those with whom I interacted are somehow lacking in value, but rather the relationship was not particularly valuable. The people involved are fine (as most people are) but the relationships I had with them were of little that was lastingly valuable or memorable.

The positive benefits I have gained are also significant. The most important benefit is the recapture of wasted time. Interactions on Facebook generally have low value for all parties concerned. At best you might garner a smile from a humorous meme or cat video at worst you'll probably fire off a derogatory comment that fans the flames of animosity. Instead of wasting time on trivial pursuits I can now invest that time in meaningful activities that actually support my own goals, ambitions and dedications.

I also find that I am less easily offended. Make no mistake, I don't tolerate fools very easily or willingly, but by being exposed to fewer fools I find my fool button pushed far less frequently. Being offended is a two-way street on Facebook and just as I might feel inclined to fire back a quick rebuke to something I find offensive, so others are likely to reciprocate with mine. This often results in a tit-for-tat exchange that is time-consuming and rarely results in anything more than an increase in animosity among the parties involved.

In short, there are fewer aggravations and significant time benefits involved by abandoning Facebook.

But Facebook really wants you back. Don't forget, when it's a free product, in reality you are the product. To emphasize that relationship note that Facebook makes it very clear that it is easy to return and they will accept you as a prodigal offspring who foolishly strayed from the path of righteous enlightenment but who is now "woke" and ready to be welcomed back into the fold. All you must do is log back on and bingo! You're more product!

Other Observations

A few other thoughts have passed through my mind as I pursue my liberation from Facebook hell.

Forge of Empires

At one point I was really devoted to playing an on-line game called Forge of Empires that was one of those "civilization building" exercises. It was appropriate that I started playing the game because of a Facebook ad. I started tracking the time I spent playing this game, that was carefully crafted to provide a dopamine hit at timings appropriate to keep you engaged and intoxicated. However, once I realized just how much playing the "free" game was costing me, I quit immediately. Deleting my account was difficult and required an exchange with their support department, who tried dilligently to get me to stay. For several months following my "cold turkey" departure I received invitations to return and pick up right where I had left off, with all my city intact and ready to resume its march to greatness.

Facebook isn't quite this blantantly high-pressure—yet. We shall see when I actually detonate the quit-bomb.

Recapturing Time

As I alluded to earlier, the increase in time I have available for meaningful and productive work has increased substantially. Not only that, the time available comes in larger blocks of uninterrupted quality. I used to have a Facebook tab open constantly in my browser as I worked. The interruptions, while clearly of my own encouragement by having the tab open, were wasteful of one of the few resources we can never replace.

I won't dwell further on this; I've mentioned it several times. But it is one of the most important benefits I have realized by ditching Facebook hell.

Loss of Impact

Those with gigantic egos may believe that by having 4,532 "friends" on Facebook that they are having a significant impact... on what I can't imagine. However, there are numbers of people who are eagerly attempting to "go viral" and become the next great Facebook sensation. While there are a few who achieve this ultimate state of narcotic Nirvana most ordinary Facebook denizens will have to be content with having a few dozen "likes" for a particularly charming cat video.

If you think by abandoning Facebook you are doomed to obscurity, get a grip.You're doomed to obscurity in any case. Shakespeare had this to say about becoming food for worms: Being Powerful and Being Food for Worms.

Conclusion

From this brief experience with Internet Detox I have drawn a few conclusions.

Abandoning Group Think

I stumbled on the concepts of Group Think in, of all places, a series of articles on nutrition and weight loss. In essence, the articles suggested that the influence of group pressure would often adversely affect one's nutritional choices. This prompted me to spend a few minutes reading the Wikipedia entry. Although difficult to study and measure, Group Think is conceptually established as a useful area of study. The characteristics exhibited by this mode of thinking are strikingly similar to the Cancel Culture used by many of America's currently polarized groups. Here's the link to Wikipedia's article on the topic.

In short, I suggest that Facebook by its very nature and functional construction contributes damagingly to American public discourse by encouraging Group Think and Cancel Culture. These are destructive practices, perhaps even threatening to the existence of the U.S. Republic. Regardless of the severity, they are unquestionably serious defects in the way many people view issues and behave in public debate.

Becoming Independent

A common theme in most of the material I have cited is the tendency for humans to seek conformity. Yet at the same time another common theme in this same material discusses the need for disagreement at some length. The Devil's Advocate is a role designed to prevent the development of the defects inherent in Group Think.

We humans are a funny lot. On the one hand, we exhort each other to "Think different!" and "Be your own person!", and on the other, when you look round, what do you see? Conformity in every direction. "Fit in!" "Be like the others!" "Don't step out of line!" "Belong!"

This quote is from a five minute podcast from that explores How to Think for Yourself. I strongly recommend the short article and podcast at the link to provide a basic overivew of what it means to have independence and individuality, why they are valuable traits to cultivate in yourself and some of the pitfalls to avoid when thinking for yourself.

Finally, for an academic view of disagreements this forty-five minute video is a lecture by Northwestern University Professor of Philosophy Sandy Goldberg presented to graduate students in Engineering, entitled What Can We Learn From Disagreement. Professor Goldberg is introduced by the Dean of the McCormick School of Engineering, Julio M. Ottino. (Dean Ottino's accent is a bit difficult to understand, but Professor Goldberg is easy.)

Alternatives

I hope I have convinced you to at least moderate your Facebook time, and in the best case, abandon Facebook altogether. I can hear the objections now:

• "Where will I post my cat videos?"
• "How will I see photos of my grandkids?"
• "Where will I get the latest news about outrageous politics?"

Following are a few alternatives and I'm certain if you think about it, you'll be able to come up with some others.

Email

Good old Email is still one of the best alternatives out there. However, I recommend you stay away from Microsoft Outlook, that does a terrible job with photos of grandkids, cat videos, and just about any other piece of mail that has a graphic you'd like to enjoy. My personal favorite is Mozilla's Thunderbird Email Client that is free and has a lot of nifty features. If that is more hassle than you'd like to endure, plain old browser Email from Yahoo! or Google (to name but two) are quick and easy. Your cat videos and grandkids will look just fine on browser Email clients.

Blogs

Blogs are great for topics that interest you. If you're a "creator," writing a blog can be a satisfying way to build a community and connect with others. (Be careful of Group Think, however.)

If your a consumer, find blogs that deal with topics that interest you and subscribe to them. Most blogs have ways to either be notified by Email when a new post is available or an RSS feed that can download new posts into your Email client similarly to the way you receive Email. You can search for blogs that interest you at this Blog Directory.

Publisher Websites

If you remember the days when newspapers and magazines were something printed on dead trees and sold a kiosks in public spaces, you'll be happy to learn that many of the oldies are still available on the Internet, along with a lot of newbies that are also worthwhile. Google around a bit, and you're certain to find some that appeal to your particular sensitivities. A word of warning, however: you'll have to pay for a subscription to many of these publications. But as you may recall, back in the day, you also had to pay for your newspaper and magazines that came in the mail. The best place I've found to get an idea about publication content is Allsides that provides a reasonable approach to unconvering media bias and fake news. You can check the political ratings of most major publishers using their search page.

Also be sure to check out websites that feature think tank content. A think tank is generally biased in its advocacy and publications but can also provide strong arguments for or against a particular topic. Reading opinion from a variety of sources can broaden your perspective.

I've only touched the alternatives in this short discussion. But by now you should have gotten the idea that there are many substitutes for grazing that are of much higher quality than Facebook.

The Decline of Facebook

I don't directly wish for Facebook's demise. But rather, I would welcome a decline in Facebook engagement as evidence of a shifting public awareness that better alternatives are available—alternatives that engage and inform rather than inflame and polarize. Alternatives the encourage individualism and respectful disagreement as we search for better solutions to today's pressing issues. Alternatives that encourage us to think and behave as responsible adults rather than self-indulgent children.

As it is structured, especially now that it is engaged in censorship and speech restrictions, Facebook can never achieve those objectives. It's up to the rest of us to push forward with adult public discourse and engagement.